


Changes

by TinyThoughts



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fighting, I suppose, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, M/M, Modern AU, Swearing, desperate love confession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:15:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29846919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyThoughts/pseuds/TinyThoughts
Summary: “Geralt?” He asks quietly, taking off his shoes and throwing his jacket at the chair in the corner. “Are you alright?”Geralt says nothing, doesn’t move, just sits there in the darkness waiting for him.Jaskier wants to run. Wants to disappear, wants to dissolve into nothing.Instead he enters the living room.He doesn’t turn on the lights. Letting the lamp from the hallway illuminate Geralt's profile. His arms are crossed and his eyebrows are set in an angry scowl.Jaskier stands waiting, watching, for Geralt to make a move.He knew it was coming. Fuck, he knew it went to far this time, but he had hoped…“I think you should move out.” Geralt says.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 24
Kudos: 222





	Changes

**Author's Note:**

> So this hurt a lot to write!  
> I don't even know why, but it felt absolute shit and so I simply must share my pain! Even if it ends well! (spoilers!)
> 
> Please enjoy my late night heartache <3

Jaskier returns to a dark flat. His keyes jingle when he sets them down on the side table by the door, and he turns on the light in the hallway.

There is something uneasy twisting his guts, making his chest feel heavy.

On the couch in the dark living room he can see the outline of Geralt.

“Geralt?” He asks quietly, taking off his shoes and throwing his jacket at the chair in the corner. “Are you alright?”

Geralt says nothing, doesn’t move, just sits there in the darkness waiting for him.

Jaskier wants to run. Wants to disappear, wants to dissolve into nothing.

Instead he enters the living room.

He doesn’t turn on the lights, letting the lamp from the hallway illuminate Geralt's profile. His arms are crossed and his eyebrows are set in an angry scowl. Jaskier stands waiting, watching, for Geralt to make a move.

He knew it was coming.

Fuck, he knew it went to far this time, but he had hoped…

“I think you should move out.” Geralt says.

The way he says it, the way he isn’t even looking at Jaskier when he says it. It feels like a gut punch, making him feel nauseous.

“Why?” He croaks out, fighting with all that he has to keep his voice from wavering.

“You know why.” Geralt says and finally their eyes meet across the distance. He can’t make it out too well in the shady lighting, but Geralt looks furious.

“I’m sorry.” Jaskier says quietly. “You know that right?”

Geralt says nothing. Jaskier tries to wait, try to let the silence speak, but he cannot. His fractured feelings are bubbling up and he just can’t, doesn’t want to.

“Geralt, please don’t make me go away. I don’t want to leave. I just want to-” his voice wavers and his eyes sting and he puts his arms around himself in comfort, _fuck_ “-I want to stay by your side. Please!”

How can he say it? How can he possibly say those things burning inside him everytime he looks at Geralt and knows he can’t have him? How empty he feels under someone else's hands, in someone else's arms.

They had a fight yesterday. Jaskier is not ever sure why it started, but it took only moments to blow up out of proportions, screaming at eachother and Jaskier finally telling Geralt what an insensitive jerk he is and slamming the door behind him as he left.

Again.

Jaskier hated leaving, hated every step and every breath away from his best friend in the entire world. The one that tears out his heart every time he opens his mouth.

“Jaskier.” Geralt says, his scowl is turning into something pained instead. “We can’t keep doing this.”

“So let's not.” Jaskier pleads, hating how small he sounds.

“Living together wasn’t a good idea. Im-” Geralt stands up abruptly, pulling fingers through his long hair in an exasperated motion. “I can’t do it anymore.”

Fuck.

 _Fuck_.

Two years they managed. Two years of longing and hurting and wanting to close that distance. But Jaskier was never brave enough. His feeling lashing out instead, he knows it's not healthy, and Geralt hurts him right back.

“Why?” Jaskier asks again, knowing full well it’s useless to ask, a dumb question.

“Why _what_ , Jaskier?! It didn’t use to be like this! You look miserable all the time and we fight and you leave anyway and ugh!” Geralt explodes.

Jaskier stands silently, looking down at the floor, at the rug they picked out together.

“You won’t even tell me why.” Geralt says, still pulling at his hair. “What do I do every day to make you look like that?”

“It’s not you.” Jaskier says quietly.

“No? Then why the fuck do you go after me like it is? I don’t deserve that. I know I'm a fucking bastard, but don’t punish me for something Im not doing--”

 _“--Because Im so fucking in love with you!!_ ” Jaskier snaps.

Complete silence.

Jaskier didn’t mean to say that and he squeezes his eyes shut.

Any hope of their friendship surviving tonight just went out the window.

“I'm so in love with you it hurts. And it's not fair of me, I know, but I can’t help it. I’m sorry.” He sounds devastated to his own ears, trashed and broken.

It’s how he feels too.

Jaskier pulls back towards his room.

“You are right. Maybe I should move out.” Jaskier says. There is no way he can stay after this. No way Geralt will be the same with him around. No way to fix what he just broke.

“I’m sorry.” Jaskier says again, because this is all his fault. Everything about this is because of him.

Geralt doesn’t stop him as he retreats.

As he closes the door behind him. Not a sound when he leans back against the door and the first sob breaks free.

Hours later there is a soft knock on the door.

Jaskiers lips are chapped, his eyes dry, his head hurting from the crying. At the sound his heart flips and twists. He’s been hoping Geralt would come, hoping and dreading. He didn’t turn on the lights when he got in, much like Geralt in the living room.

He is sitting on the floor leaning back against the wall. His body is stiff from sitting there for so long.

“Jaskier?” Geralt asks softly through the door, and oh he _aches_.

He rises up slowly, body protesting and heart screaming in fear.

But he has to. He needs to know.

He opens the door and Geralt stands outside looking miserable. They look at each other for a long moment, Jaskier drinking in the sight like it’s the last time. It is entirely possible it is.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Geralt asks quietly.

“How could I?” Jaskier croaks, he smiles a sad half smile despite himself.

And then Geralt surprises him. He reaches out, slow enough to let Jaskier protest if he wants to, and pulls him into a tight hug.

It hurts, hurts like hell, when Geralt's arm close around him and he can feel Geralt's chest against his own, his nose in his hair.

He stutters a breath, he is done crying, but this feels terrible and wonderful at the same time and again he lets his eyes fall shut, letting himself fall.

“I don’t want to go.” Jaskier says into Geralt's shoulder. He has already said too much, he might as well say some more.

Geralt's arms squeeze around him in response, and his heart flutters and aches.

“You should have told me.” Geralt says and Jaskier shakes his head.

“What difference would it have made?” Jaskier sighs.

“Every difference.” Geralt insists. “For one, I wouldn’t have dated Jessica.”

Jaskier huffs a laugh at that. Gods he had hated that woman.

“No?” He can feel Geralt smile against his hair.

“No. And I would probably behave better after halloween.” Geralt says.

Halloween was a disaster. They got stupid drunk at Renfris party and they ended up kissing outside her bathroom. Geralt ignored him for days after that, kicking up a fight every time Jaskier tried to talk to him.

“Oh?” Jaskier asks, barely daring to hope.

One of Geralt's hands shift so that it’s cradling Jaskiers neck, the other one pressing them closer together.

“I’m sorry too.” Geralt says quietly, burrowing his face into the crook of Jaskiers neck. “For being such a prickly arsehole. For pushing you away all the time instead of asking.”

“We are such idiots.”

“We really are.” Geralt agrees and Jaskiers heart is hoping now, aching and fluttering and burning.

“Say it again?” Geralt asks him, and Jaskiers fingers curl in the fabric of Geralt's shirt.

“That we are idiots?” He tries to deflect, breathless in the darkness.

“Not that.” Geralt says, pressing ever closer to him. How that even is possible is beyond Jaskier, but it is the only thing keeping him together as he opens his mouth.

“ _I'm so fucking in love with you_.” He whispers and Geralt groans into his neck.

It’s almost starting to hurt, how tightly he is holding him and it’s hard to breath.

“Fuck, Im an idiot.” Geralt says and Jaskier could cry.

“Why?” He asks, holding on for dear life.

Geralt pulls back, lets his grip slip and it’s cold and doubt is crawling back into him. But it is quickly dispatched when Geralt looks at him in the dim light from the hallway.

He looks wrecked, his hair a right mess, and then he leans forward.

Just as slowly as when he hugged him. Jaskiers hands are shaking behind Geralt's back, his entire body shivering and aching in anticipation when Geralt angles his chin and presses an achingly soft kiss to Jaskiers lips.

It is gentle, slow, careful. Everything Halloween wasn’t.

And then Geralt presses his forehead to Jaskiers, and they lean against each other.

“Don’t do this to me Geralt. Don’t ignore me again. I won’t be able to take it.” Jaskier whispers and Geralt shakes his head gently.

“I won’t.” he says back. “Never again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come accuse me of evil on Tumblr!  
> Im Dapandapod!


End file.
